So, I've been thinking a lot this weekend on relationships and all that wonderful stuff...and thinking about the past and mistakes I've made. And I just have to put this out there before my head goes crazy (or well...more crazy than normal).
Since April I have stopped talking to a lot of people. One person in particular...I should have just stopped talking to after I graduated from high school. But, too little too late. I would say to myself so many times...'okay Kymber..this is it..you're done with him you're never going to talk to him ever again, etc.' But, I somehow always caved and started talking to him and trying so hard to get out of that stupid friend zone. And where did that leave me you ask? Brokenhearted over and over again. So, why did I keep going back to talking to him when I knew he was only going to hurt me? I have no freaking clue. Stupid idea on my part. I think a big part of it was because of how he treated me in high school and how important he made me feel. I would hold on to those great memories and forget all the crappy things he'd done to me. I would tell my friend that I was done with him and that our relationship was over...I didn't need his half-a$$ed friendship...I deserved better than that and I was going to get better than that. She'd always say she was glad I was doing that...and then I'd go right back to him. I'm sure it was frustrating for her and there were probably several occasions where she wanted to beat the stupid out of me. (You know who you are if you're reading this.)
But then the weirdest thing happened to me...I got a phone call from one of my favorite musicians after my brother died...which had me on cloud 9 any time someone asked me about it. There was one time I got the courage to use his phone number and text him a thank you message. Which I have not used his number since nor will I ever use it again. But, he responded to me text message! Whaaat?? Pretty insane right?? Shortly after that Sam Bradley's latest EP came out and I bought it immediately on iTunes and listened to every track...especially 'Little Sister.'
And now I've lost you right? You're wondering 'where the heck is she going with this?' Well......at the time I wasn't getting responses to my text messages to that friend of mine. If he did respond it was very short and never anything to really respond back to...even though I tried. And then that musician responded to my text...like what the mess? How can a guy I've known for 8 years completely ignore me and yet this musician took a chance on me by calling me and responding to my text? How unimportant must I have been to that other guy? And then I listened to Sam Bradley's EP....and cried my eyes out to 'Little Sister.' Yeah...I'm one of those crying types of people. It's gotten a lot worse since my brother passed away. That song had me thinking that Sam just understood everything in my life. Here's a few lines from the song: "You're wasting your time waiting around..and that makes no sense at all." That song is just so amazing. It was written by him and his gorgeous (and super sweet) mother Lee Lindsey. After that I promised myself that I would stop being like that and forget about him. What does he matter? And, for the most part I've been really good at forgetting about him. I haven't sent him a text message since April/May..haven't tried to talk to him on Twitter or Facebook...ignore his rare posts on either site, etc.
The only thing I'm really holding onto is the thought process his "rejection" has caused me. I tried so hard to get him to see me as something other than a kid sister or one of the guys..and I always came up short. I know I'm not the skinniest girl or the prettiest one...but I feel like I had a lot to offer to him. I gave him every part of me that I could to try and get his attention on something other than friendship. How can my best not be good enough for someone like that..but turn around to be good enough for someone else? Does that make any kind of sense? I feel like I'm never going to be good enough for anyone. No matter how much time or energy I put into it.
I'm the only one out of my close friends from high school not married. I don't feel like I'm going to be taking the step to a serious relationship any time soon. I'm leaning closer to always being alone. That's easier right? I just have to live with myself and whatever animal I decide to pick. My friends say that one day I'll find someone and they'll be "perfect" (rolls eyes). I don't see that happening. I know I shouldn't be beating myself up like this..and I shouldn't keep that stupid boy in my thought process on all of this..but...I can't help it. It's just how my brain works now. I'm trying to get better about that..but it's hard. Rejection, even nonverbal, hurts like a mother trucker.
So, if you're reading this and are going through something similar...we're going to get through this! I believe in us. I have already made huge steps in getting out of that relationship...now I just need to work on keeping his past actions from determining how I look at things.
But until then, I'll just keep listening to 'Little Sister' and working on me.
To all those that had to deal with my stupid moments, I'm sorry. I hope you can forget about those days in the near future. ;)
I'm not posting a link to this on Facebook...because I don't want someone to read this and it work it's way back to him. And, even if he does read this...who cares? Everything is over and done with him.
Until next time! Love you all like mad!
XO
Kymber.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Only About the Music- Artists for Autism Part 1
Well...this past weekend I made the long trip out to Fairfax, Virginia once again. If you've been keeping up with this blog you know that I went there last year as well for a private show featuring Bobby Long, Sam Bradley, Marcus Foster, and Edward Hartline. I had the time of my life last year. It was amazing. This year...was also amazing but on a different level. Lindsay (my friend who has gone with me both times) and I have developed relationships with people over the last year that we didn't have last time. We went out to eat with everyone this year...which we didn't do last year. We actually had a lot of people to talk with...and it was great.
Friday night we worked our butts off to decorate some sugar cookies for Edward Hartline. Edward came to "help" and actually didn't help decorate cookies...he did sign one though..with frosting. We stayed up until 2am working on those things....next year I'm going to have to come up with an easier idea. But, they turned out okay.
Edward also was a sweetheart and had a FaceTime chat with my cousins in California. They are apparently big followers of my YouTube channel and have come to love Edward's music. The oldest one also has autism. Being able to get Edward to do that for them was such a heart warming experience. I love my cousins and they were so shy and adorable. The oldest one was hilarious and kept telling us jokes...one of which made Edward laugh until he was crying.
Edward was asked if he liked living in Alabama..and Edward said yeah and some other stuff...and I chimed in and said of course he does he gets to see me all the time! And Edward...being Edward...said "yeah..that's the only downfall." The look on my cousin's face was hilarious after Edward said that. I clarified that he was just joking and that we have that kind of relationship...my cousin responded with, "That's awesome."
Shortly after that it was time to say goodbye. I hope we can set that up again soon! Maybe this time Edward will bring his guitar and take requests. ;)
I am so glad that I have been able to build the relationships that I have through music. Especially with Edward and his lovely mom. They are two of the nicest people I know and I'm glad I was able to jump on the Edward Hartline band wagon when I did. Kid is going places. You can check out some of his songs here.
That's all I have for Friday night. I will try to post something about Saturday soon! I'm not sure I'll have the right words to express the epicness that was this weekend. Thanks to everyone at OATMAFA for all their hard work! It was amazing. x
Until next time. Love you all like mad!
XO
Kymber.
Edward Hartline and I on Sunday night.
Friday night we worked our butts off to decorate some sugar cookies for Edward Hartline. Edward came to "help" and actually didn't help decorate cookies...he did sign one though..with frosting. We stayed up until 2am working on those things....next year I'm going to have to come up with an easier idea. But, they turned out okay.
Edward also was a sweetheart and had a FaceTime chat with my cousins in California. They are apparently big followers of my YouTube channel and have come to love Edward's music. The oldest one also has autism. Being able to get Edward to do that for them was such a heart warming experience. I love my cousins and they were so shy and adorable. The oldest one was hilarious and kept telling us jokes...one of which made Edward laugh until he was crying.
Edward was asked if he liked living in Alabama..and Edward said yeah and some other stuff...and I chimed in and said of course he does he gets to see me all the time! And Edward...being Edward...said "yeah..that's the only downfall." The look on my cousin's face was hilarious after Edward said that. I clarified that he was just joking and that we have that kind of relationship...my cousin responded with, "That's awesome."
Shortly after that it was time to say goodbye. I hope we can set that up again soon! Maybe this time Edward will bring his guitar and take requests. ;)
I am so glad that I have been able to build the relationships that I have through music. Especially with Edward and his lovely mom. They are two of the nicest people I know and I'm glad I was able to jump on the Edward Hartline band wagon when I did. Kid is going places. You can check out some of his songs here.
That's all I have for Friday night. I will try to post something about Saturday soon! I'm not sure I'll have the right words to express the epicness that was this weekend. Thanks to everyone at OATMAFA for all their hard work! It was amazing. x
Until next time. Love you all like mad!
XO
Kymber.
Edward Hartline and I on Sunday night.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
It's October again...
As I reflect on the last 6 months of my life and the emotional roller coaster it has been, I realize just how much I have changed. I'm not sure if it's for the better or not..but I am a completely different person than I was when I woke up on April 6th this year.
The loss of a sibling is not something I ever thought I'd have to go through. It was one of those things that I felt so bad for people when it happened to them and thought, 'oh thank goodness that isn't me.' And now...people think that very thought about me. It's not a comforting thought. I never thought I'd get through my brother's passing. There are still hard days. A lot of days where I wish I could just sleep the day away and act like I have no responsibilities. But, there are good days too. As much as I wish my little brother was there for those good days and around to make us laugh on the hard days...there isn't anything I can do to change that. He's gone and not coming back...but he'd want me to have fun.
That's something I've really struggled with the most. I find myself looking forward to things and start to feel guilty. Nick isn't around to experience these exciting moments and I feel like I should not be as excited as I am. But, he doesn't care now...and I need to be able to accept that and enjoy these moments.
I've also cut out so many people in my day to day life. I've woken up to see that some of the people I considered my best friends didn't deserve my time. It's a lesson that I'd say I learned and moved on...only to make the same mistake again. I have not talked to one of those people since May. That's a big deal...at least for me. I'm growing up and letting go of my past.
I feel like I have aged 10 years since April. Growing up is not fun..but it must be done.
I miss my little brother every day. He was always there with a silly joke or a crazy idea to make me laugh. For whatever reason he was taken too early....but I know he loves me and wants me to be happy.
In a few short weeks I will be traveling for a concert for the first time since April. I have been to several since my brother's passing but..not out of state. I am so excited to be able to go to Virginia again this year to share a weekend of music with amazing friends and musicians. It will be a challenging weekend on some level though. But, I know I will be able to enjoy it and this will be a step forward for me.
Thank you for all the love and support that you have shown my family and I in the last 6 months. If it weren't for you this would have been so much harder.
Until next time! I love you all like mad!
XO
Kymber.
The loss of a sibling is not something I ever thought I'd have to go through. It was one of those things that I felt so bad for people when it happened to them and thought, 'oh thank goodness that isn't me.' And now...people think that very thought about me. It's not a comforting thought. I never thought I'd get through my brother's passing. There are still hard days. A lot of days where I wish I could just sleep the day away and act like I have no responsibilities. But, there are good days too. As much as I wish my little brother was there for those good days and around to make us laugh on the hard days...there isn't anything I can do to change that. He's gone and not coming back...but he'd want me to have fun.
That's something I've really struggled with the most. I find myself looking forward to things and start to feel guilty. Nick isn't around to experience these exciting moments and I feel like I should not be as excited as I am. But, he doesn't care now...and I need to be able to accept that and enjoy these moments.
I've also cut out so many people in my day to day life. I've woken up to see that some of the people I considered my best friends didn't deserve my time. It's a lesson that I'd say I learned and moved on...only to make the same mistake again. I have not talked to one of those people since May. That's a big deal...at least for me. I'm growing up and letting go of my past.
I feel like I have aged 10 years since April. Growing up is not fun..but it must be done.
I miss my little brother every day. He was always there with a silly joke or a crazy idea to make me laugh. For whatever reason he was taken too early....but I know he loves me and wants me to be happy.
In a few short weeks I will be traveling for a concert for the first time since April. I have been to several since my brother's passing but..not out of state. I am so excited to be able to go to Virginia again this year to share a weekend of music with amazing friends and musicians. It will be a challenging weekend on some level though. But, I know I will be able to enjoy it and this will be a step forward for me.
Thank you for all the love and support that you have shown my family and I in the last 6 months. If it weren't for you this would have been so much harder.
Until next time! I love you all like mad!
XO
Kymber.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
We Won't Be Here For Long...I Know a Better Place...
As the summer comes to an end and I'm looking forward to a new semester, one step closer to graduating, people ask me what I want to do with my major. With a communications major I can do...just about anything really. I get told I need to work for Bobby Long..I laugh and say I wish to that one. But, you never know. Maybe one day. One can dream right? Ha.
But, I tell people how I want to move to NYC and work for a PR firm or something similar and represent smaller artists.
That usually is the part that I lose people at. That's not where the money is and blah blah blah. And it's kind of hard to explain it sometimes. But, not having a ton of money isn't something that would be new to me. After my parent's divorce when I was 14/15 I got a job and have had one ever since..and it's not like they are high paying jobs. I'm not used to having a lot of money..and honestly I don't think I'll need a crap ton of money..as long as I can afford to pay my bills and stuff I don't really mind. Obviously I'll want some extra cushion money...and spending money. But, it doesn't have to be like a lot. Does that make sense?
I know a lot of people choose careers based on money, but that's not something I want to focus on. Yes..money is nice. But, ya know mo' money mo' problems.
I want to be able to help people find music that matters. Music that touches the soul. But, a lot of times the music people listen to isn't that music. There are some really great songs out there that people don't even know about. I'm included in that too...After all the street teaming I've done for those British boys and Edward Hartline I have realized how much street teaming matters. Heck if it weren't for Cari Dean telling me a few years ago to look up Bobby Long I wouldn't even know the people I do today or have done the things I have. It's weird to think about how one seemingly insignificant moment has changed my life in a big way.
I have Bobby Long to thank for a lot of this stuff. If it weren't for his music I wouldn't have ever found out about Marcus Foster or Sam Bradley...I wouldn't have gotten invited to that private show in Virginia last year...I wouldn't have heard Edward Hartline that Saturday night...I wouldn't have become friends with Edward...I wouldn't be the street team leader for his official street team...I would probably still not have a clue as to what I wanted to do with my life. It's kind of weird to look back on all of these great moments in my life and think Cari Dean and her "pestering" to look up Bobby Long is the reason for all of this. I want more people to "pester" their friends and help them find amazing music. It's one of the things I'm most passionate about in my life. When things are getting crazy, which they seem to be getting more and more crazy by the day, I can always find a song that is perfect in that moment. So, thanks Cari Dean and Bobby Long..you both have altered my life and brought great memories that I cherish and friends that I couldn't be more thankful for.
Until next time.
I love you all like mad!
XO
Kymber.
But, I tell people how I want to move to NYC and work for a PR firm or something similar and represent smaller artists.
That usually is the part that I lose people at. That's not where the money is and blah blah blah. And it's kind of hard to explain it sometimes. But, not having a ton of money isn't something that would be new to me. After my parent's divorce when I was 14/15 I got a job and have had one ever since..and it's not like they are high paying jobs. I'm not used to having a lot of money..and honestly I don't think I'll need a crap ton of money..as long as I can afford to pay my bills and stuff I don't really mind. Obviously I'll want some extra cushion money...and spending money. But, it doesn't have to be like a lot. Does that make sense?
I know a lot of people choose careers based on money, but that's not something I want to focus on. Yes..money is nice. But, ya know mo' money mo' problems.
I want to be able to help people find music that matters. Music that touches the soul. But, a lot of times the music people listen to isn't that music. There are some really great songs out there that people don't even know about. I'm included in that too...After all the street teaming I've done for those British boys and Edward Hartline I have realized how much street teaming matters. Heck if it weren't for Cari Dean telling me a few years ago to look up Bobby Long I wouldn't even know the people I do today or have done the things I have. It's weird to think about how one seemingly insignificant moment has changed my life in a big way.
I have Bobby Long to thank for a lot of this stuff. If it weren't for his music I wouldn't have ever found out about Marcus Foster or Sam Bradley...I wouldn't have gotten invited to that private show in Virginia last year...I wouldn't have heard Edward Hartline that Saturday night...I wouldn't have become friends with Edward...I wouldn't be the street team leader for his official street team...I would probably still not have a clue as to what I wanted to do with my life. It's kind of weird to look back on all of these great moments in my life and think Cari Dean and her "pestering" to look up Bobby Long is the reason for all of this. I want more people to "pester" their friends and help them find amazing music. It's one of the things I'm most passionate about in my life. When things are getting crazy, which they seem to be getting more and more crazy by the day, I can always find a song that is perfect in that moment. So, thanks Cari Dean and Bobby Long..you both have altered my life and brought great memories that I cherish and friends that I couldn't be more thankful for.
Until next time.
I love you all like mad!
XO
Kymber.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Welp....
Sunday night was amazing. I'm not sure if I have the right words to describe how everything went. I can tell you that Sunday night was one of the best nights I have had in a long time. The meet and greet with Bobby Long...was so much better than I thought it'd be. I mean I got to sit there for a while and talk to him one on one and when my brother was brought up he didn't look at me with those pity eyes that I'm getting so sick of seeing (I get my life sucks...I live it every day..please stop looking at me like that.). He looked at me and asked how I was doing and then said he had no clue what to say..just that it "F****** sucks." I kind of wanted to hug him for that. I mean when my brother is brought up into conversations everyone always says sorry and if I need to talk let them know and blah blah blah. And in April...it was really sweet to hear that from people. To know there are so many people that would listen to me ramble about everything and anything. Oh my goodness you guys...the random things I got to talk to Bobby about was just amazing. I think I could sit there and think of like 20 million things to talk to him about..from music to Manchester United..to just about anything. We talked about how touring really fascinates me and how I'd love to be a tour manager at some point. We talked about annoying siblings and how girls can just be annoying and so much stuff you guys. I also came to realize that his feelings towards annoying people are pretty much the same as mine. He had to go set up the merchandise table and I went out to my car with Elisa to drop off the stuff he signed for me and we had just walked out the door and he comes out after us and says 'Hey girls!' and we turned around and he thanked us...again for street teaming and I was like oh not a problem! We'll be right back! And he said okay and that he'd talk to us after the show. I think my heart stopped for a minute. I've known for a while that he was a sweet guy..but I didn't think he'd care so much about talking to Elisa and I about random things and coming after us. AND he took a goofy picture with me. He's so freaking fantastic.
I was also able to spend some time with some fantastic ladies and they made the night even more fun! :) You ladies know who you are! You guys are the greatest! I'm so excited for November and all the fun that will be had there! Want to join in for a great cause and see Bobby Long, Edward Hartline, Surviving Allison, The Hunts, Alex Starling, Shannon LaBrie, Tom Bertram, Naseem Khuri, Denny White, David Mayfield Parade, Miles Garber, and Toy Soldiers? Click here for more information!
Also, Bobby Long will be on tour with Michael Bernard Fitzgerald through the end of August! Click here to find a city near you! His live show is fantastic and you won't want to miss it! Promise! :)
Until next time! I love you all like mad!
XO
Kymber
I was also able to spend some time with some fantastic ladies and they made the night even more fun! :) You ladies know who you are! You guys are the greatest! I'm so excited for November and all the fun that will be had there! Want to join in for a great cause and see Bobby Long, Edward Hartline, Surviving Allison, The Hunts, Alex Starling, Shannon LaBrie, Tom Bertram, Naseem Khuri, Denny White, David Mayfield Parade, Miles Garber, and Toy Soldiers? Click here for more information!
Also, Bobby Long will be on tour with Michael Bernard Fitzgerald through the end of August! Click here to find a city near you! His live show is fantastic and you won't want to miss it! Promise! :)
Until next time! I love you all like mad!
XO
Kymber
Saturday, August 3, 2013
I Will Help You Mend
Well, tomorrow is the Bobby Long concert. I feel a little less nervous about it than I thought I would. I'm still nervous. I know that might seem stupid to some people...but thinking about what happened last time I was at his concert makes me nervous to go. I don't think that someone else in my family is going to die just because I go to see Bobby tomorrow night...but the PTSD that comes with something like this..it's not good.
Nobody knows how I reacted to the news of Nick's death except Amy and Nyya...and lately it's been playing in my mind. I know it has to do with the nerves I feel towards tomorrow night..but I need to remember that Nick didn't die because I was in Nashville seeing Bobby Long. If I would have been at home Nick still would have died in that car accident. I know that. If he were still around he would be trying to get me to get Bobby to sign some stuff for him to sell on eBay. He always thought he could make a ton of money off autographed stuff he'd sell on there if I'd let him. Oh little brothers.
I get a meet and greet with Bobby tomorrow night and I'm pretty sure I'm going to cry. Which is ridiculous but, I've become a crier about everything. I'm hoping I can keep it together until after I'm done with this meet and greet. I mean he's heard me cry over the phone..I don't need to cry around him in person right? And he's seen me make a fool out of myself while in Walmart lip syncing to his music........Oh well...I guess I'll get to go and be awkward for however long I get to talk to him.........Ha.
I'm really excited to see a lot of the people I haven't seen since April tomorrow. It will be fun. I just need to breathe and count to ten when I feel like freaking out. I hear that is actually supposed to work. I guess I'll find out tomorrow. I promise to report back on Monday about everything that happens!
Before I end this short little blog....I just want to say thank you again to everyone that has been so amazing in the last few months. I never thought I'd get the out pour of love and support that I have gotten from people all over the globe! It's kind of surreal and heart warming. When I looked up Bobby Long a couple years ago I never thought I'd be talking to people from Brazil and Germany about his music or the stupid things guys do. It's kinda crazy. I mean thanks to getting into Bobby's music and wanting to help promote him and his music and get people to notice him around here I've decided I want to do that professionally and I have friends all over the country..and it's just all so crazy.
So, anyways, thank you guys...seriously. Your kind words get me through some of the hardest days. You guys are the absolute best! :)
Love you all like mad! Until next time.
XO
Kymber.
Nobody knows how I reacted to the news of Nick's death except Amy and Nyya...and lately it's been playing in my mind. I know it has to do with the nerves I feel towards tomorrow night..but I need to remember that Nick didn't die because I was in Nashville seeing Bobby Long. If I would have been at home Nick still would have died in that car accident. I know that. If he were still around he would be trying to get me to get Bobby to sign some stuff for him to sell on eBay. He always thought he could make a ton of money off autographed stuff he'd sell on there if I'd let him. Oh little brothers.
I get a meet and greet with Bobby tomorrow night and I'm pretty sure I'm going to cry. Which is ridiculous but, I've become a crier about everything. I'm hoping I can keep it together until after I'm done with this meet and greet. I mean he's heard me cry over the phone..I don't need to cry around him in person right? And he's seen me make a fool out of myself while in Walmart lip syncing to his music........Oh well...I guess I'll get to go and be awkward for however long I get to talk to him.........Ha.
I'm really excited to see a lot of the people I haven't seen since April tomorrow. It will be fun. I just need to breathe and count to ten when I feel like freaking out. I hear that is actually supposed to work. I guess I'll find out tomorrow. I promise to report back on Monday about everything that happens!
Before I end this short little blog....I just want to say thank you again to everyone that has been so amazing in the last few months. I never thought I'd get the out pour of love and support that I have gotten from people all over the globe! It's kind of surreal and heart warming. When I looked up Bobby Long a couple years ago I never thought I'd be talking to people from Brazil and Germany about his music or the stupid things guys do. It's kinda crazy. I mean thanks to getting into Bobby's music and wanting to help promote him and his music and get people to notice him around here I've decided I want to do that professionally and I have friends all over the country..and it's just all so crazy.
So, anyways, thank you guys...seriously. Your kind words get me through some of the hardest days. You guys are the absolute best! :)
Love you all like mad! Until next time.
XO
Kymber.
Monday, June 24, 2013
I Dreamed a Dream..
When you are a kid you have these great dreams...to become rich and famous. You'll be an A list celebrity and date the hottest person you can. When I was a kid it was Justin Timberlake, Daniel Radcliffe, and Aaron Carter. In High School it became Robert Pattinson (Pre Twilight...Harry Potter days yo.), Justin Timberlake (That's right.), and Ryan Gosling. So, you make these plans and dream these impossible dreams of the perfect life.
Then, you do some growing up and decide you don't want that life..the one where you are an A list celebrity on the arm of Ryan Gosling. You want the life you know you can have. You still have dreams and plans..but these plans and dreams are much more realistic than ever before. You have had to go through some difficult trials but, you have come out stronger and wiser. You have lost loved ones along the way...and have mourned for the loss of them. But, life must go on..no matter what you may want. But, you move on. You continue to have the dreams of a better life.
Until one day...a day you've been looking forward to for a month. You and some of your best friends are going to Nashville to see one of your favorite musicians and it's such an exciting day for you. And in the blink of an eye all your hopes and dreams of finding happiness..true happiness. They just disappear. You receive the worst news you could have ever imagined. So horrible you've never thought them. You're little brother has died in a car accident and you're life is forever changed.
I have been through a lot in my life. things I don't think of often..things I've only told one other person. But..this pain...this nightmare I will never be able to wake up from is something I don't know how to deal with. Nobody knows how to deal with this. Everyone tries to be helpful and whatever...but I don't know what to say to them anymore than they know what to say to me.
My perspective on life has changed. I have weeded out a lot of people from my life. I'm leaving behind the relationships that were painful. Life is too short to dwell on the things I have been.
I miss my little brother every day. My heart hurts every time I pass something of his or think of how he would like this or that. Sometimes I think 'I need to text Nick about this' and I can't.
I hope you all are still dreaming the dream for a great life. The life of a celebrity and dating a super hot actor. I hope you have the dreams and a life that is never as hard as mine has been and continues to be.
Thank you for all the love and support and prayers that you have been sending. It makes this a little easier to deal with.
I love you all like mad.
XO
Kymber.
Then, you do some growing up and decide you don't want that life..the one where you are an A list celebrity on the arm of Ryan Gosling. You want the life you know you can have. You still have dreams and plans..but these plans and dreams are much more realistic than ever before. You have had to go through some difficult trials but, you have come out stronger and wiser. You have lost loved ones along the way...and have mourned for the loss of them. But, life must go on..no matter what you may want. But, you move on. You continue to have the dreams of a better life.
Until one day...a day you've been looking forward to for a month. You and some of your best friends are going to Nashville to see one of your favorite musicians and it's such an exciting day for you. And in the blink of an eye all your hopes and dreams of finding happiness..true happiness. They just disappear. You receive the worst news you could have ever imagined. So horrible you've never thought them. You're little brother has died in a car accident and you're life is forever changed.
I have been through a lot in my life. things I don't think of often..things I've only told one other person. But..this pain...this nightmare I will never be able to wake up from is something I don't know how to deal with. Nobody knows how to deal with this. Everyone tries to be helpful and whatever...but I don't know what to say to them anymore than they know what to say to me.
My perspective on life has changed. I have weeded out a lot of people from my life. I'm leaving behind the relationships that were painful. Life is too short to dwell on the things I have been.
I miss my little brother every day. My heart hurts every time I pass something of his or think of how he would like this or that. Sometimes I think 'I need to text Nick about this' and I can't.
I hope you all are still dreaming the dream for a great life. The life of a celebrity and dating a super hot actor. I hope you have the dreams and a life that is never as hard as mine has been and continues to be.
Thank you for all the love and support and prayers that you have been sending. It makes this a little easier to deal with.
I love you all like mad.
XO
Kymber.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
This Is My Life Now..
Bobby Long announced yesterday that next week he will be releasing new tour dates! After a split second of extreme happiness at the thought of my favorite artist coming into town again...I felt sick. This has nothing to do with Bobby Long, obviously. He's an incredible person and musician. But, my fear is all about the last time I was at his show..and finding out about my little brother's death.
After that announcement on Twitter...I started thinking about whether or not I'd go if he does come through town. I know I should go to replace the memory I have of the last show I went to. But, how am I going to be able to emotionally prepare for that? I don't really think there is anything I can do. It's just going to be hard. So hard...but, I'm going to go if he stops in town.
I was talking with my friend that went with me to see Bobby, Marcus, Sam, and Edward last year in September..and I was explaining to her why, at that point, I was thinking I couldn't go to see Bobby. She told me that my brother wouldn't have wanted me to stop going to his shows because of that. I need to find some kind of happiness in my darkest hours. Which, is hard. I would much rather lay in bed and be miserable. But, life goes on. It's not something I approve of. I'd like to just be able to pause time and mourn for however long I felt I needed and then press play to continue on with life. But, that's not how it works. Sometimes I feel like I can't get out of bed in the mornings...that there is no point to be out in the world that day. But, I have to keep moving. Nick wouldn't want me to just stop everything. Although, that seems like the better option.
I don't know when this extreme pain will just become a small pain....But, until then I guess I need to start looking for good things in life.
So, if Bobby Long comes to town...I guess I need to go..and try to not have a panic attack outside of the venue. Tonight I am taking a step and seeing Edward Hartline play at a coffee shop..I know that the people there care about me...and they have been so sweet over this whole situation. I absolutely love the people who have come in my life from all my musical adventures. Thank you guys for being so amazing and listening to my crazy ramblings at times. I appreciate it so much.
Love y'all like mad!
XO
Kymber Hill
"The rich stay rich...but the dark won't get darker." -The Dark Won't Get Darker by Bobby Long
After that announcement on Twitter...I started thinking about whether or not I'd go if he does come through town. I know I should go to replace the memory I have of the last show I went to. But, how am I going to be able to emotionally prepare for that? I don't really think there is anything I can do. It's just going to be hard. So hard...but, I'm going to go if he stops in town.
I was talking with my friend that went with me to see Bobby, Marcus, Sam, and Edward last year in September..and I was explaining to her why, at that point, I was thinking I couldn't go to see Bobby. She told me that my brother wouldn't have wanted me to stop going to his shows because of that. I need to find some kind of happiness in my darkest hours. Which, is hard. I would much rather lay in bed and be miserable. But, life goes on. It's not something I approve of. I'd like to just be able to pause time and mourn for however long I felt I needed and then press play to continue on with life. But, that's not how it works. Sometimes I feel like I can't get out of bed in the mornings...that there is no point to be out in the world that day. But, I have to keep moving. Nick wouldn't want me to just stop everything. Although, that seems like the better option.
I don't know when this extreme pain will just become a small pain....But, until then I guess I need to start looking for good things in life.
So, if Bobby Long comes to town...I guess I need to go..and try to not have a panic attack outside of the venue. Tonight I am taking a step and seeing Edward Hartline play at a coffee shop..I know that the people there care about me...and they have been so sweet over this whole situation. I absolutely love the people who have come in my life from all my musical adventures. Thank you guys for being so amazing and listening to my crazy ramblings at times. I appreciate it so much.
Love y'all like mad!
XO
Kymber Hill
"The rich stay rich...but the dark won't get darker." -The Dark Won't Get Darker by Bobby Long
Monday, April 29, 2013
Let Me Feel, I Don't Care if I Break Down.
So many people keep asking me how I am. My response is always the same, "I'm okay." I get that nobody knows what to say in this kind of situation. But, to be constantly asked how I am is extremely frustrating. I lost my 16 year old brother a few weeks ago..how do you think I am? I don't know how to deal with this kind of situation any better than anyone else.
When I found out about my brother I was in Nashville at a Bobby Long concert...it was his first opening act that was on stage when I received a message to call my mom..and I did. What I found out has changed my life and is something I never expected to hear. But, this has lead to a lot of questions about how this affects my thoughts on concerts and more specifically Bobby Long concerts....
I had to go to a concert at BottleTree Cafe for a class project and I had a panic attack in the parking lot before going in. When it comes time for me to be able to see Bobby Long again...I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it. And that pains me more than I thought it would. My brother's death has nothing to do with me being at that show in Nashville...but, anytime I think of Nashville or a Bobby Long show I'm always going to think about finding out about it. I'm not sure when Bobby Long will make his way through the South...it could be a while before that happens and maybe by that time I will be able to suck it up and go see him live and get rid of the bad taste in my mouth about his shows. I will continue to support him...but, I'm not sure about concerts...for him or anyone.
I have loved every second of being a part of his street team and meeting some amazing people through his music. I have some really great memories involving him and his music. And, he sent me his condolences and is just one of the sweetest guys ever. I'm hoping that by the time he comes through Birmingham again I can go to see him.
This is just one small thing I am having to go through at the moment. It doesn't seem like a lot to some people, but to me it is a battle to get through. If you know me well then you know how important music is to me. Especially the music of Bobby Long and his friends.
Everything else that I am going through isn't really blog material. It's so hard to have my little brother gone. I'm not sure what to do or say. Just like many people don't know what to do or say to me and my family. Your prayers and continued love and support are all that we can really ask for. We appreciate all of them and can't imagine how difficult this would be without that. Thank you guys for everything. It means more to us than you know.
Love you all like mad.
XO
Kymber.
When I found out about my brother I was in Nashville at a Bobby Long concert...it was his first opening act that was on stage when I received a message to call my mom..and I did. What I found out has changed my life and is something I never expected to hear. But, this has lead to a lot of questions about how this affects my thoughts on concerts and more specifically Bobby Long concerts....
I had to go to a concert at BottleTree Cafe for a class project and I had a panic attack in the parking lot before going in. When it comes time for me to be able to see Bobby Long again...I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it. And that pains me more than I thought it would. My brother's death has nothing to do with me being at that show in Nashville...but, anytime I think of Nashville or a Bobby Long show I'm always going to think about finding out about it. I'm not sure when Bobby Long will make his way through the South...it could be a while before that happens and maybe by that time I will be able to suck it up and go see him live and get rid of the bad taste in my mouth about his shows. I will continue to support him...but, I'm not sure about concerts...for him or anyone.
I have loved every second of being a part of his street team and meeting some amazing people through his music. I have some really great memories involving him and his music. And, he sent me his condolences and is just one of the sweetest guys ever. I'm hoping that by the time he comes through Birmingham again I can go to see him.
This is just one small thing I am having to go through at the moment. It doesn't seem like a lot to some people, but to me it is a battle to get through. If you know me well then you know how important music is to me. Especially the music of Bobby Long and his friends.
Everything else that I am going through isn't really blog material. It's so hard to have my little brother gone. I'm not sure what to do or say. Just like many people don't know what to do or say to me and my family. Your prayers and continued love and support are all that we can really ask for. We appreciate all of them and can't imagine how difficult this would be without that. Thank you guys for everything. It means more to us than you know.
Love you all like mad.
XO
Kymber.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
A letter to my little brother.
Dear Nick,
I'm sure you'd find it amusing that I now have to figure out my car problems on my own. I should have paid more attention when you were trying to teach me what to do. Now, I feel completely at a loss of how to fix certain things. I learned how to jump a car the other day. Impressive, right? I know...I need to just sell the Durango for scrap metal and get a new car. Mom and I can still hear your voice saying I need a new car. I will try to fix that as soon as possible. But, I have to graduate first, which as you know is seeming to take forever.
Sigh. I miss you little brother. So much. We all do. I'm not sure where we need to go from here. I'm at such a loss of what to do. I miss you telling me that things were debatable..even though they really weren't. I miss you riding in the car with me to Walmart and hooking up your phone to my radio to play random songs. I just...miss everything.
I know you are in a better place and I know you are where you are supposed to be. Even though it's hard to accept and deal with here. Please watch over us...we are still hurting and miss you.
I love you. I miss you.
Love (The best big sister ever...cause..come on. hehe),
Kymber <3
Thursday, March 21, 2013
To Live For Love Is Clearly Nonsense
So, last night at work I was talking with this guy I work with..who annoys me 90% of the time..but anyways, he was talking about his ex-girlfriend and how he was having these doubts about her supposedly cheating on him over the summer and all that great stuff. So, he asked me what I thought. Well...honestly to me it sounded a little sketchy. She has told him that she kept this guy friend of hers around for comic relief..It sounded sketch to me because if I told that to a boyfriend about someone I think that could be a lie. But, it sounded like he was really just upset about her having a guy friend. He didn't want her talking to other guys because he had trust issues. Which, I totally understand. If I ever have the opportunity to be in a relationship and the guy has a lot of girl friends I might be a little wary on the trust too. But, the more we talked the more it was obvious he had screwed up the relationship long before she started having this guy friend. He wouldn't really listen to her. And guys, a sure way to get in the dog house with a woman is not listening to her. I know...us women like to tell you every detail of our lives. I have the habit of taking too long to tell stories to people sometimes. We just like to talk. Honestly, we want you to be able to know everything about our day. From what we had at lunch to the evil backstabbing coworker..we're going to tell you. Be prepared to stay on the phone with us for a while. It's just how it goes.
When I was in Virginia for that private show with those British boys and Edward Hartline..I overheard probably the most truthful advice ever. Sam Bradley was talking to a camera and had begun to give this lady's son (via video) some girl advice. His advice? Just ask a girl how she is doing. He then said that's terrible advice to give a six year old...but I think that's actually really good advice..as long as you listen to her answer. There is always something going on in our lives that is a big deal. Always. Just ask us how we are and we'll take care of the rest of the conversation.
I have a guy friend who sometimes I feel like I talk too much and concentrate on me more than I should, but he listens to me...well, at least sometimes. Like, I have this thing about dolphins..they are my absolute favorite animal. One day I hope to swim with them. It's kind of like my sister's thing with penguins..just not as crazy. Anyways, I had told him that I really wanted a dolphin pillow pet, because let's face it...pillow pets are the greatest invention EVER. And, that year for Christmas my aunt bought me a lady bug one..which I totally love! It's just hard to cuddle with something poking you in the eye..ya know? Anyways, I was a little bummed I didn't get a dolphin one..But, unknown to me this guy friend had bought me one for me for Christmas. And..sure it wasn't the most expensive gift, and it came with a homemade card..but he had listened to what I wanted. That is what made that gift so awesome. I love my dolphin pillow pet. And I literally take it with me every time I go on a trip.
Women like to be listened to. We like when you pay attention to the small things. It's really the little things that count. And listen to Sam's advice..just ask us how we are..and we'll take care of the rest for you. But, be interactive in the conversation..sometimes we need a more level headed view on things.
Also, girls...don't just expect guys to be mind readers...You can't drop subtle hints and expect him to know that you want something. Also, if he seems to be really trying...you need to give the poor guy a break. He's not going to be perfect..and there will be bumps along the way..but, a guy who actually acts like he gives a crap is one to hold onto. :)
Thanks for reading! I love you all like mad!
XO
Kymber.
When I was in Virginia for that private show with those British boys and Edward Hartline..I overheard probably the most truthful advice ever. Sam Bradley was talking to a camera and had begun to give this lady's son (via video) some girl advice. His advice? Just ask a girl how she is doing. He then said that's terrible advice to give a six year old...but I think that's actually really good advice..as long as you listen to her answer. There is always something going on in our lives that is a big deal. Always. Just ask us how we are and we'll take care of the rest of the conversation.
I have a guy friend who sometimes I feel like I talk too much and concentrate on me more than I should, but he listens to me...well, at least sometimes. Like, I have this thing about dolphins..they are my absolute favorite animal. One day I hope to swim with them. It's kind of like my sister's thing with penguins..just not as crazy. Anyways, I had told him that I really wanted a dolphin pillow pet, because let's face it...pillow pets are the greatest invention EVER. And, that year for Christmas my aunt bought me a lady bug one..which I totally love! It's just hard to cuddle with something poking you in the eye..ya know? Anyways, I was a little bummed I didn't get a dolphin one..But, unknown to me this guy friend had bought me one for me for Christmas. And..sure it wasn't the most expensive gift, and it came with a homemade card..but he had listened to what I wanted. That is what made that gift so awesome. I love my dolphin pillow pet. And I literally take it with me every time I go on a trip.
Women like to be listened to. We like when you pay attention to the small things. It's really the little things that count. And listen to Sam's advice..just ask us how we are..and we'll take care of the rest for you. But, be interactive in the conversation..sometimes we need a more level headed view on things.
Also, girls...don't just expect guys to be mind readers...You can't drop subtle hints and expect him to know that you want something. Also, if he seems to be really trying...you need to give the poor guy a break. He's not going to be perfect..and there will be bumps along the way..but, a guy who actually acts like he gives a crap is one to hold onto. :)
Thanks for reading! I love you all like mad!
XO
Kymber.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.
I'm sitting here re watching the series finale of One Tree Hill. Surprisingly enough to you and me this is only the second time I have watched it. The first time being when it was first aired. And I'm just as emotional about it as I was when I originally watched it. I know, you are probably thinking this girl is crazy, it's just a TV show. But, One Tree Hill was so much more than that to me.
Rileigh and I used to try to figure out which characters we were like. I was more like Haley, she was more like Brooke. But, we both had some of Peyton mixed in there. I used to tell her our friendship was like that of Brooke and Peyton's. But, as time has continued and we grew up some and things like that...our relationship was more like Haley and Brooke's. I know, since we had already identified ourselves with them than that should have been obvious, right? There has been times that I have wanted to slap Rileigh or just stop talking to her all together. I'm sure there have been times when she has felt similar feelings towards me.
But, we have always found our way back to our normal. We may have our issues at times, but every friendship has problems.
In One Tree Hill, Haley and Brooke are not always close..they have to go through a lot to become great friends. And I admire that story line along with so many others.
The series finale makes a lot of past episode references...many based around the club, Tric, and where they were when it opened or what happened that night. I remember that episode..and where I was. I remember the first episode of One Tree Hill airing and how I just knew it was going to be something great. I fell in love with Nathan and Haley and their beautiful love story.
One Tree Hill connected me to so many people. It had been a huge part of my life. I learned a lot of life lessons from that amazing show. And, I'm so glad I was a part of it from day one. Thank you One Tree Hill, for being timeless and touching my life.
And thank you Rileigh for being my best friend and dealing with my craziness. You are one of the best people I know..and I'm so glad I get to call you my best friend. Love you chicka!
"Every song ends, is that any reason not to enjoy the music?"
XO
Kymber.
Rileigh and I used to try to figure out which characters we were like. I was more like Haley, she was more like Brooke. But, we both had some of Peyton mixed in there. I used to tell her our friendship was like that of Brooke and Peyton's. But, as time has continued and we grew up some and things like that...our relationship was more like Haley and Brooke's. I know, since we had already identified ourselves with them than that should have been obvious, right? There has been times that I have wanted to slap Rileigh or just stop talking to her all together. I'm sure there have been times when she has felt similar feelings towards me.
But, we have always found our way back to our normal. We may have our issues at times, but every friendship has problems.
In One Tree Hill, Haley and Brooke are not always close..they have to go through a lot to become great friends. And I admire that story line along with so many others.
The series finale makes a lot of past episode references...many based around the club, Tric, and where they were when it opened or what happened that night. I remember that episode..and where I was. I remember the first episode of One Tree Hill airing and how I just knew it was going to be something great. I fell in love with Nathan and Haley and their beautiful love story.
One Tree Hill connected me to so many people. It had been a huge part of my life. I learned a lot of life lessons from that amazing show. And, I'm so glad I was a part of it from day one. Thank you One Tree Hill, for being timeless and touching my life.
And thank you Rileigh for being my best friend and dealing with my craziness. You are one of the best people I know..and I'm so glad I get to call you my best friend. Love you chicka!
"Every song ends, is that any reason not to enjoy the music?"
XO
Kymber.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
You Have to Trust that the Dots Will All Connect in Your Future
Today I was talking with Nyya about what we should do for Spring Break. Something cheap and fun, and just like a day trip. Nothing fancy, just something to create memories. Nyya made a comment about how after this we only have one spring break left. I hadn't thought about it that way. (Hopefully I will graduate next May.)
But, it got me to thinking about the future and where we are all going to be. Who knows really. I may be in NYC or somewhere in California...or maybe even just a few hours north and in Nashville. There's no telling where any of us will be after graduation. It's actually a really sad thing to think about.
With high school graduation there was so much to look forward to, moving out of the house, being able to do whatever I want whenever I want, staying up late with my roomies, going to parties, being an adult.... We were able to make a name for ourselves away from people we had known for years. In high school you get stuck with one idea of who you are...and once people think you are that type of person there is no breaking away from that. However, in college it's all about finding yourself. figuring out who you are and you can change and have people respect that and like you for it. When you graduate high school your future seems so bright and exciting.
Graduating from college is a completely different story. Now I have to think about paying back student loans and moving away from everything I have known for the last 8-9 years. It's completely terrifying. I find myself worried about what is going to happen. Where are all my friends going to be? Will we ever get to do things together again? Probably not like now. And, that's fine...it's all part of growing up. But, how are we going to make these adjustments in our lives to be able to succeed and not run away because we are afraid?
I don't know what the future holds. It might just end up being me stuck in Birmingham for however long. But, I do know that I'll be able to make it. It's going to be scary and there will probably be lots of tears and different problems that come up, but if I can make it through everything that I have been able to make it through during my college career I can make it in the real world.
The end of college is coming up fast and I need to start looking into potential jobs. One day I hope to be able to own a PR firm that specializes in lesser known musicians and be able to get them the attention they deserve. I think that's what my future career dreams are. But, for now I'll work at any PR firm or record label, because that would be awesome. Here's to finding a job...and making it through the transition from college student to full time adult.
I love y'all like mad! :)
XO
Kymber.
But, it got me to thinking about the future and where we are all going to be. Who knows really. I may be in NYC or somewhere in California...or maybe even just a few hours north and in Nashville. There's no telling where any of us will be after graduation. It's actually a really sad thing to think about.
With high school graduation there was so much to look forward to, moving out of the house, being able to do whatever I want whenever I want, staying up late with my roomies, going to parties, being an adult.... We were able to make a name for ourselves away from people we had known for years. In high school you get stuck with one idea of who you are...and once people think you are that type of person there is no breaking away from that. However, in college it's all about finding yourself. figuring out who you are and you can change and have people respect that and like you for it. When you graduate high school your future seems so bright and exciting.
Graduating from college is a completely different story. Now I have to think about paying back student loans and moving away from everything I have known for the last 8-9 years. It's completely terrifying. I find myself worried about what is going to happen. Where are all my friends going to be? Will we ever get to do things together again? Probably not like now. And, that's fine...it's all part of growing up. But, how are we going to make these adjustments in our lives to be able to succeed and not run away because we are afraid?
I don't know what the future holds. It might just end up being me stuck in Birmingham for however long. But, I do know that I'll be able to make it. It's going to be scary and there will probably be lots of tears and different problems that come up, but if I can make it through everything that I have been able to make it through during my college career I can make it in the real world.
The end of college is coming up fast and I need to start looking into potential jobs. One day I hope to be able to own a PR firm that specializes in lesser known musicians and be able to get them the attention they deserve. I think that's what my future career dreams are. But, for now I'll work at any PR firm or record label, because that would be awesome. Here's to finding a job...and making it through the transition from college student to full time adult.
I love y'all like mad! :)
XO
Kymber.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
This Could Be the Start of Something New
Well, it's the first day back to classes for me and it's going to be a long day! :( I have been at school since 8am this morning and I won't be leaving until around 8pm tonight. Well, unless my 2.5 hour long class gets out early. I think I'd be so excited I'd cry. I'm so exhausted! I need to remember to go to sleep earlier! But, that's a difficult task for me anyways.
Today I turned in an application to become a DJ at the BlazeRadio on campus! How awesome would that be? I'd have Bobby, Marcus, Sam, and Edward on repeat! haha Not really...but maybe a little bit. If I do get the position I think it'd be cool to try and get one or more of those guys to come do like a radio interview or something. Spread the word about my favorite British boys and my buddy from Montgomery! How cool would that be? Dream big or go home right?
If I do get that job it's an online radio so everyone can listen to it! I'll keep y'all posted on that!
I'm not sure if I have mentioned this on here yet or not but you all need to go add EdwardHartline HartBreakers on Facebook! That's a page that I started and run for Edward Hartline and to help get his music out there and reach a bigger audience! Look him up! You won't be disappointed!
He's playing a show at Rojo Birmingham on February 17th! The best part about that you ask??? It's free! He'll be selling CDs and taking tips but there is no cover! That's the perfect way to spend your Sunday evening! Be there from 6pm-8pm! I'll be there with hopefully a lot of friends! :) Hart Breakers is also trying to collect questions for Edward and ask him for his fans that might not get to come! So, if you can't make it and want to ask Edward some questions email me at kymberhill1019@gmail.com !! Or, find us on Facebook and post them on our wall! :)
That's all I have for now! I'm so excited for 2013! It should be an interesting year! :)
Love y'all like mad! :D
XO
Kymber.
Today I turned in an application to become a DJ at the BlazeRadio on campus! How awesome would that be? I'd have Bobby, Marcus, Sam, and Edward on repeat! haha Not really...but maybe a little bit. If I do get the position I think it'd be cool to try and get one or more of those guys to come do like a radio interview or something. Spread the word about my favorite British boys and my buddy from Montgomery! How cool would that be? Dream big or go home right?
If I do get that job it's an online radio so everyone can listen to it! I'll keep y'all posted on that!
I'm not sure if I have mentioned this on here yet or not but you all need to go add EdwardHartline HartBreakers on Facebook! That's a page that I started and run for Edward Hartline and to help get his music out there and reach a bigger audience! Look him up! You won't be disappointed!
He's playing a show at Rojo Birmingham on February 17th! The best part about that you ask??? It's free! He'll be selling CDs and taking tips but there is no cover! That's the perfect way to spend your Sunday evening! Be there from 6pm-8pm! I'll be there with hopefully a lot of friends! :) Hart Breakers is also trying to collect questions for Edward and ask him for his fans that might not get to come! So, if you can't make it and want to ask Edward some questions email me at kymberhill1019@gmail.com !! Or, find us on Facebook and post them on our wall! :)
That's all I have for now! I'm so excited for 2013! It should be an interesting year! :)
Love y'all like mad! :D
XO
Kymber.
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