Let Me Feel, I Don't Care if I Break Down.

So many people keep asking me how I am. My response is always the same, "I'm okay." I get that nobody knows what to say in this kind of situation. But, to be constantly asked how I am is extremely frustrating. I lost my 16 year old brother a few weeks ago..how do you think I am? I don't know how to deal with this kind of situation any better than anyone else.

When I found out about my brother I was in Nashville at a Bobby Long concert...it was his first opening act that was on stage when I received a message to call my mom..and I did. What I found out has changed my life and is something I never expected to hear. But, this has lead to a lot of questions about how this affects my thoughts on concerts and more specifically Bobby Long concerts....

 I had to go to a concert at BottleTree Cafe for a class project and I had a panic attack in the parking lot before going in. When it comes time for me to be able to see Bobby Long again...I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it. And that pains me more than I thought it would. My brother's death has nothing to do with me being at that show in Nashville...but, anytime I think of Nashville or a Bobby Long show I'm always going to think about finding out about it. I'm not sure when Bobby Long will make his way through the South...it could be a while before that happens and maybe by that time I will be able to suck it up and go see him live and get rid of the bad taste in my mouth about his shows. I will continue to support him...but, I'm not sure about concerts...for him or anyone.

I have loved every second of being a part of his street team and meeting some amazing people through his music. I have some really great memories involving him and his music. And, he sent me his condolences and is just one of the sweetest guys ever. I'm hoping that by the time he comes through Birmingham again I can go to see him.

This is just one small thing I am having to go through at the moment. It doesn't seem like a lot to some people, but  to me it is a battle to get through. If you know me well then you know how important music is to me. Especially the music of Bobby Long and his friends.

Everything else that I am going through isn't really blog material. It's so hard to have my little brother gone. I'm not sure what to do or say. Just like many people don't know what to do or say to me and my family. Your prayers and continued love and support are all that we can really ask for. We appreciate all of them and can't imagine how difficult this would be without that. Thank you guys for everything. It means more to us than you know.


Love you all like mad.

XO
Kymber.

A letter to my little brother.

 

Dear Nick, 

I miss you already. You haven't even been gone two weeks yet, but it still feels like a century. I keep thinking about all the plans we had made for the year...movies to go see at midnight, fun adventures for the summer, and Disney World in December. I've been thinking how that isn't going to happen anymore. Those memories we wanted to create together. But, I'm glad that we had the ones we did. I might have to change my plans and who to see those movies with...but I'll be wishing it were you when the time comes.


I'm sure you'd find it amusing that I now have to figure out my car problems on my own. I should have paid more attention when you were trying to teach me what to do. Now, I feel completely at a loss of how to fix certain things. I learned how to jump a car the other day. Impressive, right? I know...I need to just sell the Durango for scrap metal and get a new car. Mom and I can still hear your voice saying I need a new car. I will try to fix that as soon as possible. But, I have to graduate first, which as you know is seeming to take forever.

Remember when we went to Dairy Queen, on me of course, and I had you meet me at the gas station? You laughed at me because I forgot my gas cap at the other gas station that wasn't taking my card for some crazy reason and I had to have you go back and get it for me. And then of course I made you promise not to tell anyone about what had happened because I didn't want to add fuel to what people could make fun of me for. It was like our little secret. Among other things that we have kept to each other over the years. Now who am I going to trust with my secrets? Morgan? Yeah..I'm laughing at that too.

I was thinking today about that time that mom let you skip school to go have a brother/sister day with me to see Captain America and eat at Moe's. That was such a great day. We got to sleep in, you missed school (without being sick), we got to see Captain America (FINALLY), and Moe's in Hoover with the awesome drink machine? Great day. I wish I could remember more specifics from that day...but I don't. I wish we could have had more days like that. But, at least we had a few, right? I will always remember when we went to see Fast Five and we were so excited afterwards! We couldn't wait for the next one to come out thanks to that surprise ending after the credits. And then we went to Zaxby's to get milkshakes which were delicious. We then talked about how awesome the movie was and how we wished we could have cars like that.

Sigh. I miss you little brother. So much. We all do. I'm not sure where we need to go from here. I'm at such a loss of what to do. I miss you telling me that things were debatable..even though they really weren't. I miss you riding in the car with me to Walmart and hooking up your phone to my radio to play random songs. I just...miss everything.

I know you are in a better place and I know you are where you are supposed to be. Even though it's hard to accept and deal with here. Please watch over us...we are still hurting and miss you.

I love you. I miss you.

Love (The best big sister ever...cause..come on. hehe),

Kymber <3