We Have Fire on Our Burnt Skin...

Week one has officially come to an end! Week one of eating what my aunt does...with a couple cheat meals in the mix. And I lost 2lbs! (27 lbs in total now!) I feel like if I had added in more exercise or not over done it on the couple of cheats I would have lost a lot more...so, I'm trying for that this week.

I've decided every pay day is going to be my "free" day. Well, free to an extent. On the few times I have over done it I just feel so sick to my stomach. Which I feel is progress. I used to have to eat SO much to feel sick...and now I don't eat that much out of what I have been and BAM. Stomach ache. Now to just train my mind to remember how it feels when I go too overboard. Which I guess is my new normal.

My mom used to tell my siblings and I that all the time. "This is our new normal...we just have to get used to it." I hated to look at it that way though. When my parents got divorced and I was angry at the world I really hated it. When my brother died and I was completely shattered...well I hated it then too. I didn't want to accept these life changing events as normal. Which I know the situations weren't normal, but the idea that it was MY new normal wasn't something I wanted to accept. But here I am 10+ years later and using my mom's phrase. Who would have thought?

This week's title comes from a song that has meant so much to my soul. "We have fire on our burnt skin and it will heal before you have to feel that again...I will help you mend." Every time Bobby Long plays this song live I cry. It meant a lot to me before Nick died...but after he died? I can't accurately put into words the profound effect this song has had on me. I love that song so much I have handwritten lyrics hanging up in my living room. If I ever get a tattoo it will be lyrics from that song.

I say these things because they are things that have helped me over the last 10+ years. My mom's (at times) annoyingly positive attitude and music that heals the soul have impacted my life more than I would have ever imagined.

When my mom would drop me off at school she would tell me every day I was brilliant. She told all of us we were brilliant. I would roll my eyes and say whatever mom and walk into the school. On the other end of the spectrum I was teased and told different things in a joking manner that weren't always nice. Those are the things that have stuck in my mind. I mean sometimes I feel like I'm brilliant...and other times I feel like a failure. Like I'm never going to be good enough for anyone or anything. Which...again, I'm working on these issues. I'm trying to figure out how to focus on the positives and quiet the negative voices in my head.

It hasn't been the easiest week. I have wanted to eat all the ice cream and cry a couple of times this week...but I didn't. And that my friends is progress. I was in a situation that left me feeling like 19 year old me...and 19 year old me would have grabbed some fast food and ice cream to cope with the feelings that I was having. Instead I came home, cuddled up with my dog and watched something on Netflix. I used to say that the only men that had never disappointed me were my grandpa and Ben & Jerry....and now I can't turn to them. And I didn't! So, small victories matter. :)

Thank you to everyone that has been so supportive and kind during this weight loss journey I'm taking. I appreciate it more than you will ever know. <3

Until next time beautiful people. I love you like mad.

XO
Kymber.

"We have tough breaks, we have people to face, we have time before you have to feel that again. We have fire on our burnt skin and it will heal before you have to feel that again...I will help you mend."

- Bobby Long, Help You Mend, Wishbone