To Be Yourself is All That You Can Do

Well blogger world I am here to tell you I have not lost anymore weight this week. But, I also made some bad food choices. I let myself have a free day on the 14th...and I woke up the next day feeling like I was hit by a bus. It was so bad I thought about calling out of work. The lesson here? Don't eat all the food on free day. I didn't eat that much, but I didn't eat anything healthy either.

So, I decided I would only eat a free meal on my designated free days. I feel like that is the healthier option for me at this point. But, I have learned my lesson and figured out what will work best for me. However, it has been harder to stay on the meal plan since the 14th because I have just wanted to give in to my unhealthy food desires. Tomorrow I am starting back at being strict on what I'm eating. I want to lose another 6 lbs by July 1st to keep my goals on track. I want to average losing 10 lbs a month so I can be down 100 lbs by the end of December. WHAT. I know. Crazy, right? I can't even imagine how much better I will feel when I get to that point. That will be where I was 6 years ago. Which means I have averaged gaining a little over 16 lbs/year since then. Which, doesn't seem like a lot until you add it together and boom, here I am.

I do feel so much better already. Pants that used to be a little too tight now are loose. And that blows my mind. Some days I can tell the difference, and other days I can't. However, that just means I need to keep going. People have told me I just look like I feel better. That I have a spark back in my eyes that they either haven't seen in a while, or haven't seen at all. Which is nice to hear.

I'm feeling more like myself at times. Recently everything in my apartment has been causing me all sorts of anxiety. My picture wall has been taken down, I've tossed 3 bags full of random things and I'm about to pull my couch out of my apartment and to the county dump as soon as I have access to a truck. That will leave me with an over sized chair and ottoman. Until I find a couch or futon that I like enough to pay for. I'm trying to just...free up space in my life...physically and mentally.

I've found my voice again too. I've decided that I don't want to be a pushover anymore...again. There have been times in my life when I have let people treat me any type of way they want. And I have accepted it, because that is how I thought I deserved to be treated. 27 year old Kymber wishes I could go back in time and slap some sense into 17 year old Kymber. I could have saved myself a lot of pain. Then again I wouldn't be who I am today without those painful experiences. Anyways, I have been honest about how I feel, whether people like it or not. I hope that doesn't burn any bridges with people I genuinely care about...but I can't let those people treat me however they want and get away with it. I deserve some respect dang it. Why is that so difficult nowadays?

So...this is me world. Like that old Lady Sovereign song Sarah and I used to sing during our down time at Domino's 12 years go..."Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession...love me or hate me, that is the question...If you love me than, thank you...if you hate me than F you." HA! That's a blast from the past for sure. Good times.

Anyways, I've been thinking about starting a Facebook page for people to follow my weight loss journey...because I don't want to be one of those annoying people that everyone hates. If you think I should do that, let me know! I'm all about keeping everyone updated on my mental and physical changes if you want. I feel like not enough people use their stories to help others like they should.

One of my high school teachers has this heart breaking story that he turned into a book. (To Be the King of Diamonds by Walter Ryan Adams) I was thinking about it the other day and how it changed my life when I was going through similar struggles. I even wrote a long email to him years ago telling him what his story did for me and how I hope that my story can help someone half as much as his story helped me. I may not have a class full of teenagers to tell my story to once a year and I haven't written a book...but maybe this blog is reaching someone that needs it. Maybe the person that needs to read these words hasn't found this blog yet...maybe nobody will need to read any of this. But, what if they do?

If you are interested in reading To Be the King of Diamonds, you can find it here.

Until next time beautiful people. Love you like mad.

XO
Kymber.


"Even when you've paid enough
Been pulled apart or been held up
Every single memory of the good or bad
Faces of luck
Don't lose any sleep tonight
I'm sure everything will end up alright
You may win or lose.
But to be yourself is all that you can do
Yeahhh...
To be yourself is all that you can do"
Audioslave - Be Yourself