As I reflect on the last 6 months of my life and the emotional roller coaster it has been, I realize just how much I have changed. I'm not sure if it's for the better or not..but I am a completely different person than I was when I woke up on April 6th this year.
The loss of a sibling is not something I ever thought I'd have to go through. It was one of those things that I felt so bad for people when it happened to them and thought, 'oh thank goodness that isn't me.' And now...people think that very thought about me. It's not a comforting thought. I never thought I'd get through my brother's passing. There are still hard days. A lot of days where I wish I could just sleep the day away and act like I have no responsibilities. But, there are good days too. As much as I wish my little brother was there for those good days and around to make us laugh on the hard days...there isn't anything I can do to change that. He's gone and not coming back...but he'd want me to have fun.
That's something I've really struggled with the most. I find myself looking forward to things and start to feel guilty. Nick isn't around to experience these exciting moments and I feel like I should not be as excited as I am. But, he doesn't care now...and I need to be able to accept that and enjoy these moments.
I've also cut out so many people in my day to day life. I've woken up to see that some of the people I considered my best friends didn't deserve my time. It's a lesson that I'd say I learned and moved on...only to make the same mistake again. I have not talked to one of those people since May. That's a big deal...at least for me. I'm growing up and letting go of my past.
I feel like I have aged 10 years since April. Growing up is not fun..but it must be done.
I miss my little brother every day. He was always there with a silly joke or a crazy idea to make me laugh. For whatever reason he was taken too early....but I know he loves me and wants me to be happy.
In a few short weeks I will be traveling for a concert for the first time since April. I have been to several since my brother's passing but..not out of state. I am so excited to be able to go to Virginia again this year to share a weekend of music with amazing friends and musicians. It will be a challenging weekend on some level though. But, I know I will be able to enjoy it and this will be a step forward for me.
Thank you for all the love and support that you have shown my family and I in the last 6 months. If it weren't for you this would have been so much harder.
Until next time! I love you all like mad!
XO
Kymber.
No comments:
Post a Comment