Everytime I Hear That Song I Go Back...

As you know, my blog is fake smiles and rehearsed words. But there's a reason behind that. Here's a little insight into the crazy mind of me.
People think I'm this happy go lucky person. But, guess what? I'm not. I'm nowhere near the person I let most of the world see. I'm not as angry as I once was. I've mended my broken heart more times in the past 7 years then I care to explain. Seven years seems like such a long time but, when I actually think back on the last 7 years of my life it isn't.
Seven years ago I was a lost 12 year old girl thinking my entire life was falling apart. I was moving from Oklahoma to the middle of nowhere Alabama. I was experiencing a close encounter to death of a teenager. I used to wonder where I would end up at 17. He died at 17. Would I? We're all gonna die so what was the point? I know, pretty intense for a 12 year old huh? I was leaving my best friend who knew me better then anyone else in the world. Would we stay in touch? Would she move on and forget me? I felt like I was going to be easily replaced. Heck, by this time 7 years ago I already felt replaced. I fought with her all the time. Being mad and having to say goodbye was easier then being happy with her and saying goodbye. I started school at a new place for the first time in 6 years. I wanted to start over. Be a new adventurous me. Didn't happen. I was quiet and shy until you got closer to me. I hated all things in this dumb town. I wanted out. If it had been up to me I would have moved back and lived with my grandparents in a heart beat. I kept people at arms length though. I didn't want to get close to anyone. I wanted my old friends back. The people I'd known since I was 6.
I started high school wanting to fast forward through the "best four years" of my life. I couldn't wait to get out. I wanted to graduate as soon as possible and then move back to Oklahoma and go to the University of Oklahoma with my best friend and cheer on Bob Stoops and the Sooners for four years of college. Get an apartment with said best friend and not have a care in the world. I was still lost and hating most of the world through the course of my first semester as a freshman in high school. Football games were fun, but I didn't know anyone on the team really. Just a few people who would be nice and say hey. When Basketball season started and I was the manager I was the only girl to ride the bus home from away games. I would just sit by myself in my seat and stare out the window wondering why I was in Alabama. Why couldn't we have stayed in Oklahoma? Didn't anyone care about me? I was on the bus with a bunch of boys I didn't know and honestly didn't care to know. I was having a pity party for myself every night on the bus rides home. Being left alone with my thoughts was never a good idea. It never has been and probably never will be. I'm far to dramatic and extreme to be able to survive my thoughts.
One night I was feeling even more alone then ever. Sure I had friends but, again everyone was at arms length. I was wondering how my life got to be so...lonely. I used to have so many friends that were close and trusted and made me feel loved. Then, suddenly I was no longer sitting in my seat alone. This boy had decided to sit with me. I knew who he was. I knew who everyone was and up until that moment I had deemed myself invisible to everyone on the bus rides home. I, of course, looked at him like he was crazy. Why was he sitting next to me? What did he want? He looks at me completely serious and says, 'If I fall asleep in your seat and start to fall over what would you do?' Was this guy serious? I just kinda looked at him, again like he was crazy. He continued though, 'Like, would you put your hands out in front of my face to catch me from hitting the seat in front of us or would you let me fall?' Again, I gave him a weird look. I thought to myself, Kymber, you have to speak to him. He's gonna think you're mute or something dumb like that. So, I said the first thing that came to my mind. 'Well, I'd probably let you fall over, laugh, and then make sure you were alright.' He seemed satisfied with my answer and turned to have his back to me and started rapping, which confused me some more. But, he distracted me from my thoughts. I became fascinated with this kid sitting next to me. He was cute, funny, and seemed like a decent guy, he was after all going out of his way to talk to me. I decided that I'd let him sit in my seat instead of insisting on being on my own. I was so tired of being lonely. I don't remember saying anything else to him that night. Maybe a few other things. Small, unimportant things maybe. He was my bus buddy after that. He'd sit behind me or beside me or in front of me and keep me entertained. I never had a boring moment after that on the bus. I felt apart of something. I felt like I was wanted as a friend again. The girl's Basketball coach tried to get me to go home with some of the girl's and their parents so that way I wouldn't be the only girl on the bus. I quickly explained to her that I didn't mind. I loved riding the bus because of that guy. It was the highlight of my week. Every away game I knew I'd be entertained and laughing like I used to. I felt like me again.
Sometimes I wonder if he could just tell how lost I was. How alone I felt. I wonder if he ever regrets talking to me. I second guess everything. Sometimes I think he was just taking pity on me. Heck, he probably was and didn't think I'd stick around for so long. But, I have. And for some reason he hasn't told me to go away. He changed things. He made it to where I wasn't alone. I had a friend because of him. People sometimes ask what your favorite high school memory is. It'd have to be that night that I finally began to feel something other then hate and anger again.
Everythings changed. I'm no longer that scared 14 year old girl. He's no longer the weird kid on the bus, don't get me wrong he's still weird, but different. He's made being in Alabama something I never thought it would become. If 7 years ago some would have told me that I'd still be in Alabama and loving my life here, for the most part, I would have laughed in your face and told you to beat it. Seven years and so many things have changed. My life is nowhere close to being where I want it to be. I've lost my focus several times. I have felt lonely again. But, I have grown so much. I love the people I have in my life. The influences they have become. The life lessons I've learned. The people I've met along the way. It all adds up to who I've become. I just wanted to say thank you to the weird guy on the bus. I don't think he realizes just what he did for me that night. Who knows if he'll even see this. But, here it is. My thanks to him for saving me from myself. Also, thank you to everyone that has been in my life. Some more then others. But you have all been there to help move me in some way to become who I am today.

Brittney, Sarah, and I after our last football game as Seniors

But once in a while people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quite persistence of a dream. - Lucas Scott (One Tree Hill)

XO
Kymber.

You're a True Friend, You're Here 'Til the End

This past weekend was a BLAST!! I was able to spend time with some friends from High School that I haven't seen in an extremely long time. It was the best. With all the changes we are going through it was clear that we have all grown up a lot since High School.
One friend is married and having a baby, one is getting married. It's such a different feeling to be around people who know one part of me...one part of my life and see that they still get me. Or still get how I am. I may have grown up a lot since I was in High School. Since I saw these amazing ladies last. But, I'm still me. Which is extremely comforting to some degree. I'm still the somewhat shy (when around people I don't know), dramatic, fun person I was in High School. Being around one of the few people I could truly trust in High School made me realize just how much I'd missed her. She's so much fun and knows most of my secrets and she didn't run her mouth off to people. Gosh I've missed that. I don't have to explain things to her. She remembers how things were. High School crushes, friends we both thought were crazy, my life falling apart at the seams. She knows it all. I've missed that. Sure I have a close guy friend from High School that I still talk to and he knows me almost better then my best friend of 13 years. But, he isn't privileged to know everything. Somethings I keep hidden due to the fact that he just really doesn't need to know.
It's been a year and a half since I last saw this friend. And after Saturday I've decided that I'm not going to go a year and a half without seeing or really talking to her again. I want to reconnect with these friends that I spent the day with on Saturday. I have really missed them. Gosh. So many things are different. We are getting old. I'm 20 this year. I'll no longer be a teenager. Craziness.
But, we can't dwell on the past. We need to move forward and hold onto the people that mean something to us. Reconnect with those you really miss. I'm sure they miss you too. :)

Sarah and I :)

Brittney and Sarah

Me and Candice

Brittney and me

Me and Sarah

Me and Rachel

Brittney, Sarah, Me, and Rachel

Jason and Me

Emily and Me

Sarah and Me

Me, Sarah, Kristin U., and Kristin H.

You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they are happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you've realized how wrong you've been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it.-Nathan Scott (One Tree Hill)

XO.
Kymber.

As We Go On We Remember...

So, I've been thinking back to simpler times....high school specifically. Everything just seemed to make more sense then. But, now everything is just..all out of whack. I'm trying to get back to the version of me that wasn't so confused. That knew what I wanted and didn't feel like I needed this one person to keep my afloat. I'm probably driving said person insane. I need to change back to that independent person I miss. But, that's besides the point.
I've been thinking about all the different fun stories from different activities I participated in.
First, when I was a Junior I was in the Spring Play, The Somewhat True Tale of Robin Hood.

My friend and I were in charge of helping one of the guys put on his bald cap. On opening night he told us to come into the boy's dressing room because the hallway was too dark. So, we walk in the dressing room and all the guys stop and look at us. Kind of like seeing deer in headlight looks times 10. Then, the guy that was playing Robin Hood jumped behind the guy playing Little John to hide. Then it hit me. Robin Hood didn't have pants on. Go figure. We were both so embarrassed we ran out of the dressing room and waited until someone came and got us.
Secondly, when I was a Senior I was at football practice one day (I was a Student Athletic Trainer) and some of the injured guys and the Athletic Trainer walked over to where I was standing. They were all laughing and I wanted in on the joke. So, one of the guys decided to tell us what happened.
"Ok Kymber. Best thing ever. Summer was looking at my leg and said, 'It's so huge!' And I decided  I'd let it go...be the bigger person. I wasn't going to say it. But then she had to continue. 'It's like bulging out of your pants!' So, I had to say it. 'That's what she said.'"

Oh, we all died laughing. And then one of the coaches from across the practice field yelled at him because he knew our loud laughter was due to him. Best practice ever.
Good times.
Well, that's all for now.

"We do not remember days, we remember moments." -Cesare Pavese

XO
Kymber.

You Mourn the Death of Your Bloody Valentine

Oh...Valentine's Day. Most useless holiday ever. I mean don't get me wrong the story behind it is..amazing. The Priest who married people even when they weren't allowed to. I may not be the biggest romantic out there (gag me) but I know when something is amazing like that. But, look at what women and Hallmark turned it into? I am a firm believer that women just wanted to have another excuse to be mad at a man for forgetting a "special" day. I don't think this day should be such a big deal. I mean...seriously ladies get over it. So what if he forgets what February 14th is. Shouldn't it matter more what he remembers an anniversary? Or your favorite movie? Or something that is significant to the two of you instead of February 14th? I refuse to celebrate this day when I do have a significant other. What's the point? He should be showing me how much he loves me every day of the year not just once a year.
And Hallmark and Flower people...suck. A lot. I mean everywhere I go right now all I see is all this...junk that will probably end up being lost, broken, forgotten, or all three. They just wanna cash in on all that. Sometimes I think that a bunch of women and the Hallmark people and flower people all had this big meeting to figure out how they could all win in a situation. Thus creating the hideously gross holiday that we now celebrate as Valentine's Day. Most over rated holiday EVER.
So, ladies and whoever else is reading this...when your man doesn't remember Valentine's Day don't freak out. He is after all just a boy. You can't expect him to do everything right...what would be fun about that?

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes -- all you need is one. - Peyton Sawyer (One Tree Hill)

-Remember...all you need is one...try to remember that every day...not only on Valentine's Day...a man that will show you love all year round but forget Valentine's Day is greater then one that remembers Valentine's Day and never shows you his love any other day.

XO
Kymber.

Change

In high school people are never what you think. There is so much that goes on behind closed doors and as long as you are looking from the outside in you don't actually know a person. I'm not sure how people viewed me in high school. Maybe the weird nice girl. The quiet one. The girl that spends way too much time with the football team. Who knows? I honestly don't care. I never really cared. What was the point? You have four years of high school and then guess what? You leave. You go on to something better...something that will change you. No longer will you have the label they gave you. You are free to redefine yourself. You'll lose touch with your friends...but once you let go of the people you thought you could trust you'll find out who you're real friends are. There are few people from high school that I still talk to. I was close with several people that I haven't spoken to since graduation. Life changes us all. Sometimes for the good, other times for the bad. We have a choice to make. Will you be one of those that wishes they were back in high school or will you be able to move on and grow up.
I know, I've been out of school for a few years so this blog might just be random. But it makes sense to me. I have realized just who to value in my life. The people I still talk to from high school know a lot about me. But they only know the side of me I choose to show them. There are different sides to everyone. Some people's other sides might suprise you...in a good way. Others might crush your thoughts on them. How can any of us claim to know someone when in all actuality we only know the side they want us to. We have expectationsof people that might come crashing down around us. How will you choose to deal with that? Will they stil be your friend or will you leave them because they didn't meet up to your ideals of them? It's your choice. Be careful what you choose.

Cake from a friend's graduation party

There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up. - Lucas Scott  (One Tree Hill)

xo

Kymber.

Let's see how this goes...

So, I'm starting this blog because I figure why the heck not? And since my dear lovely friend, Kaycie, is moving out west to go to college at the end of July (enter sad face) this is how we are going to keep each other in the know about the other. So here you'll be able to find all the craziness of my every day life, fun things I find, and hopefully insightful stuff. So, I hope whoever reads this will enjoy it and maybe be wiser from some of my crazy stories.
Welcome to my life.

Kaycie and I at the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 :)

xo
Kymber.