Have you ever just had a day where all the thoughts you want to push out of your mind keep coming up? And with these questions you dread every second of the day because these are issues you've burried for so long? The answers to these questions are something you need to know...but yet, you are afraid to ask because the answers may just be worse than what you think it could be? You are so afraid to lose something so special to you that you act as if everything is fine? Yet you are desperate to get rid of the one thing that is slowly ruining every last bit of you? If you don't do something soon you fear losing not only this something special but every last part of the you that you used to be?
I'm not sure if I'm the only that has ever felt this way. I doubt it. I'm holding on to something for dear life that I probably should have let go a long time ago. I should have been able to let go when all the signs were there, telling me I mean nothing and have been left on the sidelines. This..something I'm holding onto was there to pick up the pieces of a broken girl. If it weren't for this....something....I'm not sure what would have happened to me.
I've changed a lot over the years. Since I was a broken 14 year old girl. With my 20th birthday coming up in the next couple of weeks I'm wondering if it's really time to let go. I don't want to. I've been clinging on with everything I have for so long. Letting go feels like the end of everything that's kept me together. I want to hold on to this thing to feel some normalcy. I'm afraid if I lose it I will be left scared and alone again. Trusting nothing.
But, it's time to move on right? Growing up is full of hard things...and I guess this is just one of the hard things for me? It's shown it's true colors...time for me to let go and move on. I deserve better than this.
Until next time my lovelies.
XO
Kymber.
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