The last couple of days I have been thinking about how my life could be different. How I could be different. I know we shouldn't dwell on the 'what ifs' in life, but I have found a few things out lately about different people and it makes me wonder what would have happened had my family stayed in Oklahoma.
I'm not naming names or saying that everyone I knew in Oklahoma is just awful and doing all these things that I would never do and blah blah blah. It's just interesting to see how much everyone has changed. I mean we've all changed. I no longer look at the world as a place filled with sunshine and rainbows...I'm not some extremely trusting person anymore either... But what if some of the biggest events in my life had happened in Oklahoma? What if my parents divorce had happened there? Would I have taken the road that some many before me have taken to self destruction? If my parents didn't end up divorced would I have taken that road anyways and completely lose myself and everything I believe in today?
I'm nowhere near perfect. I don't do everything I'm supposed to do. I don't always make the right decisions in how I need to handle things. But, I haven't strayed to far from what I've believed in since I was a child.
If I had stayed in Oklahoma would I be the party girl that believes in only having fun when drunk? Would I be sleeping around with everybody? It's hard for me to even comprehend how I would be if that were the case. I would have completely lost myself in every way imaginable.
But, what has made me stay this way? I have had plenty of opportunities to go out and drink with people, especially since starting college. I haven't had any opportunities to sleep around, not that I'm complaining, just saying. But, why is it that I have chosen to stay this way? It'd be so easy to lose myself and yet I stay the same. I politely decline alcohol and I'm not usually seen at parties. So, what is so different about me than the people in Oklahoma? Once upon a time we all believed the same things. We used to do everything together and yet we are all completely different now. Is it just the life experiences that have been the major deciding factor on how we turned out? I'm just not sure what to think. What makes me different from them? Or them different from me? Who knows..But I have been wondering lately about all the 'What ifs'. not completely sure why...but there it is.
Until next time my lovely readers. :)
XO
Kymber.
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