All My Life I've Been Good...

Today has been one of those days. The kind of days when you wonder if what you've been doing is what is best. If maybe you are supposed to be someone else entirely. The you that you want to keep buried. What if that's the person you are meant to be? What if that's what you need to do...for you?
I try to be a good person. I try to be friendly with everyone I interact with..no matter what I think of them. I have a very caring and giving heart as my mother often tells me. But what has it gotten me? Some friends? Sure. But yet...there's something missing. Something I want.
I try not to dwell on being single. Honestly I don't have time for a boyfriend. But, dating someone I'm interested in...that would be nice. To have someone want to take me out to a movie or something super cute and fun...would be amazing. But, nobody wants to take me on a date that I'm interested in. I feel like there is something wrong with me. What am I doing wrong?
I don't think I'm asking for much. Just a date. One date would be nice. Being seen as something other than a sister or friend would be..nice. So nice. To feel cared about and important to someone other then my family would be amazing.
As long as I can remember I've never felt this way. I always feel like I'm the one that's making the effort to do anything. I'm the one that cares too much. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm tired of it. I want to go back to not caring so much. To the person that liked to keep a distance between her and others. Things didn't hurt as much. Where is that girl when I need her? Where is the person who is supposed to save me?
I'm tired of sitting at home on a Friday night wishing for someone to magically have feelings for me and ask me on one date. Just one date. I've never been on a date. The closest thing I've gotten was lunch with a couple different guy friends. Those don't count as dates.
Where's my chance at love? When will I stop being the little sister or best friend? I know I have a mind like a guy at times. And I'm much more interested in Football then shoes or getting my nails done. But...isn't that a good thing? What's so wrong with me? I wish I knew. I used to think I was a catch...not so much anymore. So what if I want to go to the Super Bowl for my honeymoon? Or that I refuse to ever celebrate Valentine's Day with a significant other. Or that I hate flowers and I'm not big on jewelry. Where has it gotten me? No where.
Today I threw the towel in on an unreachable dream. Good bye high hopes. Hello reality. This is what will eventually lead to my status as the crazy cat lady that talks to herself in 40 years. Gosh, I'm ready for this day to be over. Ready to not feel this pain. Ready to be different.....

XO
Kymber.