As I have started my weight loss journey, I created an Instagram account just for keeping myself accountable. The other night I did my first Instastory on there and it was terrifying. I'm much better at expressing myself through written words. I always feel like a giant loser talking to the camera by myself.
Anyways, the point of that is I was watching 'Isn't it Romantic?' and the entire story line just really hit me. So, if you haven't seen that movie and are planning on watching it..don't read any further.
The opening of the movie starts with a young girl watching 'Pretty Woman' and her mother or grandmother tells her that happy endings like that don't happen to girls like her. That the only way she'll ever get married is if someone needs a visa. I can't tell you how many times something similar has been said to me. The main one being that no guy would ever be interested in me unless they were mentally disabled. So. That's like super encouraging right? Here I am not even 5 minutes into this movie and I'm already like 'this is my life.'
The movie fasts forward and the little girl grew up to be Rebel Wilson (I LOVE her). She has turned into this person that just hates romcoms and is completely oblivious to the fact that her best friend is in love with her. She ends up being mugged and in a coma where she's in her own personal romcom. Y'all. The journey she goes on through this whole thing. The hot guy falls in love with her and she thinks that was the purpose of the whole perfect world...get Liam Hemsworth to fall in love with her. But, then she thinks it's to stop the wedding of the best friend because she loves him. And in the middle of her great big speech she realizes that Adam Devine should love her..because she loves her. She completely loves herself and that's why he should love her.
WOW. I've really struggled with self love for so long. There have been times that I've thought I would be happier if I lose all the weight I want. If I could just make it to 175 pounds I would be happy. If I could just get one guy to love me...I'll be happy. All of these things depend on what others see in me...not what I see in me.
Thanks to Facebook memories I saw a picture I took of myself in some red jeans that I LOVED. They were 4-5 sizes smaller than I wear now and at the time they were a size smaller than I wore. I remember standing in that dressing room completely upset that I wasn't a size smaller so I could buy the jeans. I was obviously a beached whale and would die alone. Fast forward 8 years...and I still feel like a beached whale and that I'm going to die alone. But...looking at that picture...looking at how much weight I have gained since then...I want to be back to that size. I want to look in the mirror and see that girl. But most of all...I want to love myself now. Sometimes I do...most times I don't. I will never be happy if I weigh 175 lbs if I can't love myself now. Because, I know I will look in that mirror and still see a fat, unlovable girl if I don't change my thoughts now.
If you want to follow me on Instagram you can @kymberworkinprogress I'm hoping to be out of the 300s by the end of the year. And I'm starting to work on loving myself. It's going to be a long journey...but it'll be worth it.
SO..here we go y'all.
Until next time. I love you like mad.
XO
Kymber.
"And when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair, remember it's only in the black of night you see the stars." - Whitey Durham - One Tree Hill
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