Well, it's official...Kaycie has moved. In a little over a month I will be starting my third year of college. I have amazing friends. I love the people in my life...But I feel like I'm being suffocated by everything here. Does that make any sense? I'm working on getting happier and doing things I want to do. This past year has changed me so much. Some for the better...some for the worst.
In the past year I have gone through so much. More than I had ever expected I would. I got a new roomie, who I thought was crazy and didn't really want to talk to now...she's not so bad, I got to meet the 100 Monkeys (which includes Jackson Rathbone...aka Jasper Hale in the Twilight Saga), I found out my uncle was dying from an extremely rare liver cancer, I went crazy, I lost said uncle July 1, 2010...and that was all within the start of 2010.
I've had fun mixed in with all the sadness through this time. Kaycie, Morgan, and myself got to meet Tyler Hilton and Dion Roy at WorkPlay..and Kaycie and I got to meet Bobby Long at WorkPlay too. If I could I would live there. I love the atmosphere of that place. I'd quit my job in a heart beat to work there. I so love it.
I have come to terms with things that I would imagine in my head would happen...that just aren't ever going to happen. Giving up on far fetched dreams can be a little depressing..but my heart will be more protected this way. Who can you trust anymore? Only yourself...and sometimes that's not the best idea either.
My little sister is going to be a Junior in High School in August....I feel so unbelievable old. But, this makes me think about what I was like going into my Junior year....It's weird to see how extremely different we are. The summer before my Junior year I was helping out with the football team, I was trying to put the pieces of my shattered 15 year old heart back together and move on. I started liking a guy who made me feel special and important...and let's just say that that didn't work out to my advantage either. My little sister on the other hand, has gone on several dates and is gorgeous. The boys love her. She's more interested in finding a job than doing a whole lot of extracurricular activities. Which is good for her personality. I'm proud of her. Really I am. Jealous of the way boys seem to be drawn to her? Yes. But happy for her getting to do all she wants.
I sometimes wonder what my High School years would have been like if I did things differently...what if I would have said one thing instead of another...flirted with this one guy instead of being shy...but, I guess we just learn to move on. I don't want to be stuck in the past. I don't want the best years of my life to be the four years I spent in high school. Did I have fun? Yes. Do I wish I was back there? Heck no.
I have decided that once I graduate I'm going to try to move to London. I think a break from people around here is just what I need. The only contact I'd be able to have with anyone really would be Facebook or Skype. And the time differences are so large that even that would be hard to pull off. I need a clear head. I can't think straight about things around different people. I need away from that. I want to go and be who I want to be. Not someone that is known as people's younger or older sister. Not someone who has all these different expectations for people that constantly let me down. I want to be care free and hang out with people and be able to act fool and not be judged for that. I want to feel important to someone. I want to receive as much as I give. And I haven't found that here. I feel like I put so much effort into certain things and get nothing in return. I enjoy spending time with people and I love my friends. But sometimes it'd be nice to feel appreciated. To feel like someone is thinking of me. Someone wants me. So many choices to make and it seems like I have no time to make them. I think a year abroad would do me good. Maybe kick this anxiety's butt that I have gained in the past year. It would be so nice to feel somewhat normal again. I guess time will tell. If I'm meant to live in London then it will happen. If I'm not, well, I'm getting the heck out of Alabama. I can't stay here forever.
Until next time my lovely readers.
XO
Kymber.
No comments:
Post a Comment