People think I'm this happy go lucky person. But, guess what? I'm not. I'm nowhere near the person I let most of the world see. I'm not as angry as I once was. I've mended my broken heart more times in the past 7 years then I care to explain. Seven years seems like such a long time but, when I actually think back on the last 7 years of my life it isn't.
Seven years ago I was a lost 12 year old girl thinking my entire life was falling apart. I was moving from Oklahoma to the middle of nowhere Alabama. I was experiencing a close encounter to death of a teenager. I used to wonder where I would end up at 17. He died at 17. Would I? We're all gonna die so what was the point? I know, pretty intense for a 12 year old huh? I was leaving my best friend who knew me better then anyone else in the world. Would we stay in touch? Would she move on and forget me? I felt like I was going to be easily replaced. Heck, by this time 7 years ago I already felt replaced. I fought with her all the time. Being mad and having to say goodbye was easier then being happy with her and saying goodbye. I started school at a new place for the first time in 6 years. I wanted to start over. Be a new adventurous me. Didn't happen. I was quiet and shy until you got closer to me. I hated all things in this dumb town. I wanted out. If it had been up to me I would have moved back and lived with my grandparents in a heart beat. I kept people at arms length though. I didn't want to get close to anyone. I wanted my old friends back. The people I'd known since I was 6.
I started high school wanting to fast forward through the "best four years" of my life. I couldn't wait to get out. I wanted to graduate as soon as possible and then move back to Oklahoma and go to the University of Oklahoma with my best friend and cheer on Bob Stoops and the Sooners for four years of college. Get an apartment with said best friend and not have a care in the world. I was still lost and hating most of the world through the course of my first semester as a freshman in high school. Football games were fun, but I didn't know anyone on the team really. Just a few people who would be nice and say hey. When Basketball season started and I was the manager I was the only girl to ride the bus home from away games. I would just sit by myself in my seat and stare out the window wondering why I was in Alabama. Why couldn't we have stayed in Oklahoma? Didn't anyone care about me? I was on the bus with a bunch of boys I didn't know and honestly didn't care to know. I was having a pity party for myself every night on the bus rides home. Being left alone with my thoughts was never a good idea. It never has been and probably never will be. I'm far to dramatic and extreme to be able to survive my thoughts.
One night I was feeling even more alone then ever. Sure I had friends but, again everyone was at arms length. I was wondering how my life got to be so...lonely. I used to have so many friends that were close and trusted and made me feel loved. Then, suddenly I was no longer sitting in my seat alone. This boy had decided to sit with me. I knew who he was. I knew who everyone was and up until that moment I had deemed myself invisible to everyone on the bus rides home. I, of course, looked at him like he was crazy. Why was he sitting next to me? What did he want? He looks at me completely serious and says, 'If I fall asleep in your seat and start to fall over what would you do?' Was this guy serious? I just kinda looked at him, again like he was crazy. He continued though, 'Like, would you put your hands out in front of my face to catch me from hitting the seat in front of us or would you let me fall?' Again, I gave him a weird look. I thought to myself, Kymber, you have to speak to him. He's gonna think you're mute or something dumb like that. So, I said the first thing that came to my mind. 'Well, I'd probably let you fall over, laugh, and then make sure you were alright.' He seemed satisfied with my answer and turned to have his back to me and started rapping, which confused me some more. But, he distracted me from my thoughts. I became fascinated with this kid sitting next to me. He was cute, funny, and seemed like a decent guy, he was after all going out of his way to talk to me. I decided that I'd let him sit in my seat instead of insisting on being on my own. I was so tired of being lonely. I don't remember saying anything else to him that night. Maybe a few other things. Small, unimportant things maybe. He was my bus buddy after that. He'd sit behind me or beside me or in front of me and keep me entertained. I never had a boring moment after that on the bus. I felt apart of something. I felt like I was wanted as a friend again. The girl's Basketball coach tried to get me to go home with some of the girl's and their parents so that way I wouldn't be the only girl on the bus. I quickly explained to her that I didn't mind. I loved riding the bus because of that guy. It was the highlight of my week. Every away game I knew I'd be entertained and laughing like I used to. I felt like me again.
Sometimes I wonder if he could just tell how lost I was. How alone I felt. I wonder if he ever regrets talking to me. I second guess everything. Sometimes I think he was just taking pity on me. Heck, he probably was and didn't think I'd stick around for so long. But, I have. And for some reason he hasn't told me to go away. He changed things. He made it to where I wasn't alone. I had a friend because of him. People sometimes ask what your favorite high school memory is. It'd have to be that night that I finally began to feel something other then hate and anger again.
Everythings changed. I'm no longer that scared 14 year old girl. He's no longer the weird kid on the bus, don't get me wrong he's still weird, but different. He's made being in Alabama something I never thought it would become. If 7 years ago some would have told me that I'd still be in Alabama and loving my life here, for the most part, I would have laughed in your face and told you to beat it. Seven years and so many things have changed. My life is nowhere close to being where I want it to be. I've lost my focus several times. I have felt lonely again. But, I have grown so much. I love the people I have in my life. The influences they have become. The life lessons I've learned. The people I've met along the way. It all adds up to who I've become. I just wanted to say thank you to the weird guy on the bus. I don't think he realizes just what he did for me that night. Who knows if he'll even see this. But, here it is. My thanks to him for saving me from myself. Also, thank you to everyone that has been in my life. Some more then others. But you have all been there to help move me in some way to become who I am today.
Brittney, Sarah, and I after our last football game as Seniors
XO
Kymber.
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