So, to help sort this mess out and stop hating myself I have reached out to a life coach. Yes, you read that right. I never thought I'd be the person to reach out to a life coach...because I always thought it was for people that have more money than they know what to do with and are just a general mess. Obviously, that isn't true..because plenty of people have life coaches...they just don't necessarily talk about it. I had a 20 minute phone call last Saturday with her, and just that short conversation I felt like she totally understood because she had been there too. I've done the therapy thing...a few times...and I know what the sources of my issues are...but I still don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone. So I'm looking forward to having her help me out. I was actually supposed to have my first session with her today...but life happens and I needed new tires and it's been pushed back. I will definitely keep you up to date with that new adventure of my life. I'm really tired of the self loathing and overthinking. It's exhausting.
Continuing on with my physical health, I have been slacking the last few months due to my crazy schedule and what not. But, the last two weeks I've been pretty much on track again. I gained some of the weight I lost. I'm now working to lose that weight again and keep moving forward. When I was eating better and exercising more I felt so much better about myself. And I just felt better overall. Bu, then people say things that get in your head, joking or not, and it knocks you back to the reality you are trying to escape. There was a situation that reminded me of something that used to happen years ago...and instead of blaming myself and thinking about how I wasn't worth that person's time...I stood up for myself and voiced my opinion. I made it known how I felt and I moved on from it. However, some people want to make me feel bad for letting it go...for not holding a grudge. And then...and then y'all...I got so in my head. I have been knocked back to self doubt and not being worthy thoughts.
If you know me you know I'm no stranger to having songs significantly impact my life in some way. In 2012 Sam Bradley published a YouTube video with his sister, Grace Lindsey, singing 'Only Human.' At that time I was still kind of ehh about Sam's music, but holy moly. That song touched my soul. "And oh, oh pick yourself up off the floor, put that drink down on the bar, we won't be here for long, I know a better place." I was still having a hard time with certain things and that song was just so reassuring. And hearing him play it live a few weeks later? Priceless. Then there's Bobby Long's 'Help You Mend.' I've talked about that song before. It truly helped me get through my brother's death. It still makes me cry when I hear him play it. There's been a few others by both of them, and others, that have really made a change in my life. Music is truly an important part of my life.
And then I heard Jana Kramer's new song 'Good Enough.' Y'all I cried. It made such an impression on me. And is a large part of why I reached out for a life coach. I know that getting a life coach isn't for everyone and that's fine. Just know you aren't alone. No matter what/how you're feeling someone else out there is feeling that same way.
Until next time lovely people.
XO
Kymber.
"There you go again, bringing me down
Making something out of nothing
Throwing around words, you know will hurt
Why you always fighting dirty?
...
Go on girl, now take a deep breath
You're getting caught up in the moment
It's nothing that you ain't been through
You just gotta know it's true
To be the one that you fight for
The one that you'd die for
I wanna, I wanna be
The one that you stand for
Reach out your hand for
I wanna, I wanna be
Good enough for me."
- Jana Kramer 'Good Enough'
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