If you are paying attention to my Facebook/Twitter or you're a fan of Bobby Long, you know his third album, Ode To Thinking, is less than a month away from release. It's such an amazing thing...the anticipation of an album you helped fund in a small way. In a small scale in the grand scheme of things you feel like you've been a part of something great...something bigger than you are. That probably sounds crazy though right?
I've heard most of the songs, if not all of them, live. They are each amazing in their own right. Bobby's an amazing songwriter and I feel as though each song has something in it that I connect to. If you haven't checked Bobby or his music out...you really should. This album is going to be great. I've heard Bobby say on several occasions that he believes this is the best album he's made thus far in his career.
But, this isn't a blog post about Bobby's new album or how you MUST go preorder it immediately.
The last time Bobby put out a CD...Nick was alive. I was able to host a CD listening party at a record store in Birmingham and Nick helped me set things up for that. Even though he gave me a hard time for always doing all these crazy things for Bobby. That was a fun day. Two months before he died. I miss him so much each and every day. I will never stop missing him. I just wish I could hug him one last time. Tell him I love him and that I miss him.
It kills me that no matter what Bobby will always have some association with my brother. For a long time after Nick died I felt guilty. Which is crazy because nothing I could have done differently that day would have made the outcome any different. But, instead of staying at home that fateful Saturday, I went to Nashville to see Bobby. I remember standing in the bar waiting for the first act to go on and turning around to see Bobby being escorted backstage by security. I was so excited...and that excitement quickly turned to anguish after talking to my mom. I had to get out of there immediately. There were times in the following days that I would often wonder what I was doing the moment Nick took his last breath. I used to have this like...movie moment in my mind...I turned to see Bobby and Nick would be dying in that same moment. But, he was gone at least two hours before that happened.
When Bobby came through Birmingham that following August, the closer it got the more I didn't want to go. I didn't want to be reminded of that night in Nashville...or to end up having a panic attack in the middle of the show. I know that sounds crazy but that's where I was at. I got a thirty minute meet and greet with Bobby where we talked about a lot of different things. I don't remember most of it...but I do remember that he didn't look at me with those pity eyes that I have grown to hate. I don't want nor do I need anyone's pity. I get that life has dealt me some pretty crappy hands. I don't need a dumb look on your face to remind me. I think I get that fact more than anyone else.
I vowed that I would never return to Nashville to see Bobby ever again. I couldn't do it. Sometimes when people bring up that show I feel sick. Like everything is closing in on me. But, it's gotten better over the years. In March of this year I was able to go see Bobby play in Nashville. I am so glad I went. It was a great night with friends and good music. I definitely needed that night to have a more pleasant memory of Nashville.
Two of the things I hold near and dear to my heart are forever intertwined. No matter how much Nick made fun of me...he was always supportive of my dreams and thanks to Bobby I have a dream career in mind. A career I never would have thought of before finding out about his music. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I hadn't listened to Cari and looked him up. What if I never would have seen that YouTube video of Bobby's "Dead & Done." What if I never went to that first show at WorkPlay in 2011? How different would my life be today?
I know everyone thinks I'm crazy for the love I have for Bobby's music. The amount of time and energy I've spent in supporting one artist can be a bit much...I know. But, when you have something that touches your soul in such a way....you'd do anything for others to experience that. When I was 19 and saw Bobby for the first time....before that night was over I knew I wanted to help him gain more fans and make it big. Four years later I'm still pursuing that. Even though most people think I'm crazy. But, what's the fun in life without a little crazy right? But..not too much crazy.
His lyrics have helped me in the darkest of moments. More times than I can count I have turned his music on to help calm me down in different situations, but especially after the death of my brother. Music can heal the soul. I believe that to be completely true. It's healed parts of my soul and continues to change my life.
That is why I believe in and support Bobby Long. In some ways he's connected to memories of my little brother and I can't let that go. His music has helped me more than I will ever be able to express to him.
" Break the branch upon the willow, no bird will want to sing today,
Cut loose the boats down in the boat house, we’ve never seen such strange old days,
Tell the lost that no one’s looking, tell the found that no one cares,
You can never find the answers, we’ve never seen such strange old days,
Tell the lost that no one’s looking, tell the found that no one cares,
You can never find the answers, we’ve never seen such strange old days,
So long to thinking, the crowd will travel well,
We’ve unchained a monster and it left me feeling unwell,
So long to knowing, the past is buried still, under a hard place in an empty wishing well.
We’ve unchained a monster and it left me feeling unwell,
So long to knowing, the past is buried still, under a hard place in an empty wishing well.
No one’s coming for the helpless so come and quickly help yourself" -- Bobby Long 'Ode to Thinking'
Until next time.
XO
Kymber.
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