Ridiculous line of thinking...right? In the back of my mind I have always known that won't solve my issues. I'm going to have to work on my mental health as well as my physical health. Which means going back to therapy in some way. I have so many people in my life that tell me how beautiful and amazing I am...but it's hard to believe that for whatever reason. Last night had a frank conversation with someone and they explained to me that they fully support me in my journey to be healthy, but no matter how much I change on the outside, I'll never be able to get the thoughts out of my head that I have now. Well, without the help of a professional. To hear your fears expressed verbally from someone that doesn't know that's what you're thinking is a rude awakening.
My mental health is just as important as my physical health. If I can't get to a better place mentally, I will always feel like the unlovable fat girl. I get a lot of this is my anxiety talking. I do. I just need to work on focusing on the positives in my life.
I have been trying to figure out what still makes me happy, other than food. Obviously food has been my comfort of choice for years. If it wasn't I wouldn't be a size 26 right now. I used to love updating this blog. I love writing. I'm confident in my writing abilities. So, what better way to get back into the habit of doing things that make me happy than starting back with this blog?
I'm going to take you guys on the mental and physical health journey with me. Some days will be ugly, most days will be ugly. I'm setting a goal of posting something at least once a week. I want to be able to get back into writing again. I want to find the things that make me happy again. I live my life day to day getting by...and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling the way I do. The first steps have already been taken...I have acknowledged the issues I have and I'm going to work on improving myself. I am going to be a better version of myself. Healthier in every way possible.
I love you all so much. The last 6 years have been so difficult. Some days are harder than others...but knowing that you are there for me...well, it means more to me than I can possibly express. I know I tend to self-destruct and push people away. I'm trying to not push everyone away...but only time will tell.
It's time to get better. Mentally and physically. It's going to be an interesting adventure. Maybe my story will help someone along the way. Let's do this thing.
Until next time beautiful people. Love you like mad.
XO
Kymber.
"I am wounded. I am hurt. I am done pretending to work. I am injured. I'm in pain. I have suffered so much, suffered so much. I am drained. How long can I let myself be a burden? It effects everything I touch." - Sam Bradley 'Wounded' from the album "When You Love Someone"